... Earning is HarD ...
Hell Yea ! I tasted the sweat of own earning for real after i came to KL... working is hard and earning is harder - i never knew i could be hardworking - i always thought i am the lazy bump type - talking and not doing type - but the hardships of living and need for money made me go all the way to earn a legitimate earning and get my own bread ! whether the work is small or big - when you know you are doing with the purpose of serving people it indeed is satisfactory. Being friendly and kind to different people - maintaining bondage within cultures - being patience and most of all standing various perceptions brings you under some level of responsibility. I have see both my flaws and attributes while working as in server-hostess... I have experienced great deal of physical challenge and yes it has made me stronger in terms of will of mind.
... Bangladesh ...
We often complain in our country we dont have this - we dont have that - lacking in everywhere - political turmoils - but the feeling of belonging does and can cost more of what we are ready to loose. It feels awful when you have to worry for a place to sleep or a meal to eat. We are mostly ready to go through hell in order to fulfill our basic needs - but in another territory... but in our homeland we complain and complain - we dont want to compromise. I miss my country - the weather - the similar faces - the festive seasons - the language - the food - the being of being - Malaysia has given me a lot though - still Bangladesh is some place i would always want to be - back in Dhaka there were incidents i never took account of - residing here in KL has made me look into them - to see and trying to realize - not to be ignorant - to be thoughtful of own origin. the sense of belonging in Bangladesh has day by day become mere reflection of something being taken away from me - my family is breaking - my friends are changing - but still i bear this hope of getting back in near future - retain my being for maybe fewer days - but to be back in my originality of culture.
... Food ...
Eating can be fun - and i have forgotten that - i eat to survive - i over-eat out of depression and frustration...i skip meals out of anxiety - but i hardly feel good of eating - i feel clumsy and tired of eating at times - and i miss the food back home. Foods are something which makes u feel complete physically - i feel terrible at times with the fact that i eat out of nothing. I wish to eat out of joy and desire - i do ask to eat out of own will - but a eating habit which doesnt make me satisfied - sigh - i miss eating for health and desire.
... Marriage ...
Well - it seems like a triggering bullet to me - i dont know sometimes i am too comfy thinking of it sometimes just feel too scared of it - still there should be more time to figure out what it exactly is to me :S :S
... To Be Continued ...
