April 26, 2012


If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know

one thing.


You know how this is:

if I look

at the crystal moon, at the red branch

of the slow autumn at my window,

if I touch

near the fire

the impalpable ash

or the wrinkled body of the log,

everything carries me to you,

as if everything that exists,

aromas, light, metals,

were little boats

that sail

toward those isles of yours that wait for me.


Well, now,

if little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you little by little.





If suddenly

you forget me

do not look for me,

for I shall already have forgotten you.





If you think it long and mad,

the wind of banners

that passes through my life,

and you decide

to leave me at the shore

of the heart where I have roots,

remember

that on that day,

at that hour,

I shall lift my arms

and my roots will set off

to seek another land.





But

if each day,

each hour,

you feel that you are destined for me

with implacable sweetness,

if each day a flower

climbs up to your lips to seek me,

ah my love, ah my own,

in me all that fire is repeated,

in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,

my love feeds on your love, beloved,

and as long as you live it will be in your arms

without leaving mine


April 18, 2012

Celebrating “Pohela Boishak 1419” and Bringing Bengali Culture Live on Stage: by University Malaya Bengali Students Community!


“Esho hein Boishakh Esho Esho “ -a song which almost every Bengali by heart bears to sing out loud even with the weakest voice, on every resplendent first day of Bengali New Year, and we the Bengali students of University Malaya, ( Kuala-lumpur, Malaysia) are proudly enriched with such strong feeling as-well. It’s the feeling which day-to-day reminds us of where we come from & actually belong, the basis of our true cultural roots to our own expression of belonging – originality – individuality – to Bangladesh. To us, the history of “Pohela Boishakh” or the first day of the first month of the each Bengali year, that we recall is - Under the Mughals, agricultural taxes were collected according to the Hijri calendar. As the Hijri calendar was not a purely lunar calendar, it didn’t not match with the harvest seasons. Due to what the farmers back than were struggling to pay taxes out of season. So, The Mughal Emperor Akbar to simplify the tax-collection process ordered a reform of the calendar. Therefore, Fatehullah Shirazi, a renowned scholar and astronomer, formulated the Bengali year on the basis of the Hijri lunar and Hindu solar calendars. The new Fasli San (agricultural year) was introduced on 10/11 March 1584, but was dated from Akbar's ascension to the throne in 1556. The New Year subsequently became known as Bônggabdo or Bengali year. Though, Celebrations of “Pohela Boishakh” started from Akbar's reign. It was customary to clear up all dues on the last day of the year. On the next day, or the first day of the New Year, landlords would entertain their tenants with sweets. On this occasion there used to be fairs and other festivities. In due course the occasion has become part of domestic and social life, and turned into a day of merriment for Bangladeshi people. The main event of the day was to open a “halkhata” or new book of accounts and say goodbye to old dues. (Internet) As I recently moved in to Kuala-lumpur to do my post-graduation, I was already going through a sturdy despair as I thought I wouldn’t be able to celebrate this year’s “Pohela Boishakh” or even feel for it the way I felt all these year back in my home-country. As in Bangladesh, it means Ramna Botomul, Street Paintings, Colors of Liveliness and Joy depicting through Rallies, Concerts, Traditional Bengali foods – dressing – events everywhere; People despite of their religious-social-linguistic differences all coming onto one ground for a day to be identical in their own terms of celebration and festivity. As like as me, there are hundreds here away from home - friends and family, juggling through the heavy study outlines & foreign culture scenarios, caught in between mid-semester study pressure & urge for even going back to Bangladesh for one day only to be part of the outstanding fete of existence. But due to our educational limitations and certain personal bindings we couldn’t. So, some of us decided to bring Bangladesh to us when we can’t go to her. As a result, we succeeded both organizing and performing in the name of “Pohela Boishakh Celebrating Night” ourselves- in-front of almost 400 local & international people of University Malaya & outside the campus audiences on the very 13th April evening by going live on stage with the pure Bengali Folk-Singing, Dancing, Game-shows related to our language, Fashion-show and solid breathtaking Band-Song Performances in just twenty-five days of initiative-planning, strong efforts towards effective promotions, rehearsals, publicizing face-to-face information’s from person-to-person and the necessary fund raising tasks.
Despite of Belonging to diverse departments, staying in altered places – mostly holding different social-mental-educational backgrounds – we all bonded with one conjoint element – we are Bengalis and no matter how far we are , we belong to Bangladesh at the end of each day of our lives. I know it sounds bit dramatic and maybe a bit exaggeration, but that is honestly what we feel. Living here is nothing comparable to the life in Bangladesh. Maybe, we are not suffering from the un-stable price-hikes or the messy political disputes, the continues load-shedding, hectic traffic jams, the day-to-day tension arising regarding security of citizens etc. but we miss our country in each possible way we can. Because every time we place our steps on this ground we know it’s not ours – and I strongly believe every true Bangladeshi who stays abroad feels as exact as we do. For us, the event was a way of re-connecting ourselves and doing all that we can do to reveal the true colors of our culture – and in such process we thank the entire UM officials, Faculties and Admins for respecting our festival and allowing us to hold the event inside the premise and supporting us with the proper permissions and auditorium facilities. As the event started out with Quran recitation by Ruhul Amin and the theme song of “Pohela Boishakh” sang by Birbal, Raquib, Delta, Rashik, Osru, Khairul & me followed by the speeches from the chief guests - Naseruddin Solaiman, Assistant Registrar (International Students Center – ISC of UM), Soud Rahman, Director (GSA- Sweet Dreams Travel &Tours Sdn Bhd, Show Sponsor), S. M. Anisul Haque, Counsellor (Bangladesh High Commission, KL) & Ehsan Soodmand, President (University Malaya Int. Students Association – UMISA). Most amusingly all the speeches had one particular statement – “it seems suddenly the auditorium is all about Bangladeshi atmosphere and we are in some event of Bangladesh in itself”. With the vibrant Hosting of Osru and Rashik, the event than was followed by a gorgeous dance number by Delta, an unplugged medley of Famous folk songs such as Shadher Lau, Ghate Lagaiya Dinga, Ektara Bajaiyo Na, Tomar Ghore Boshot Kore (Birbal, Raquib, Rashik, Me), an interesting game show on the Bengali alphabets based on entirely the international participants from the audiences hosted by Rasikh and Rafat. Fascinatingly, the fashion show choreographed by Farhad was executed on the ramp by five foreign lovely female students (Boyeon Moon – Korea, Liu Shuoyi –China, Meerim Omorova–Kyrghistan, Zhenishgul Istanbekova–Kyrghistan, Ajar Nurdinova– Kyrghistan) of UM all dressed in traditional saree’s in different Bengali ways escorted with five of the male-organizers. We also had a Malaysian Post-grad Student Vikki, who managed perfectly to sing the famous – “Manobono Biharini” as like as any Bengali singer as part of the show which was an enormous attainment. Finally, there were two band performances – in which not only Birbal, Khairul & Raquib who rocked the stages with the famous Bengali band songs of all times but also remarkably the Bengali Student of MMU (Multi-Media University) performed vividly as-well in their own terms of celebration and respect to the “Pohela Boishakh”. All the audiences were treated with traditional delicious Khuchuri- Begun Bhaji- Ilish Mach Bhaja” as in the food menu was made by us, the organizers to keep a clear relevance to Deshi specialties – which became complete appreciation and liking of the night among the audiences both Bengali and Foreigners. And throughout the event it was Sakib, Saiful, Parisa, Dinky (IIUM), Rafat (MMU), Shawkat, Jahid, Kawsar etc. who were running back and forth regardless of any sort of tiredness for hours to bring all the performances together backstage and making the show go on-wards till the end without any difficulties. (Hats Off to them. We could perform on stage because you were watching our backs in each-single moment). Also gratitude to the remarkable photography of the entire event done by Hussain Fakrudeen, who is originally from Sri Lanka currently working in KL, for being on his toes the whole evening to picture our special moments. It’s been exact two days after the celebration and so far the response is tremendously inspiring and appreciating. People are already asking when our next New Year celebration is and what we will be planning for it. When we first sat down together for the planning, we were quite keen to even expect less than 150 people as we knew living in abroad, people tends to be more busier with own life and living. But when we opened the event, we found Bengali students of MMU, UKM, Sunway University, the foreign students-teachers along with families, the parents, even the collogues of the post-grad and PhD students in the audience seats. It was just few hours but for us, the organizing committee - it was an experience of lifetime. We are young and we are away from home, we don’t see our families or hug our friends for months, we don’t sit in the roads in the evening anymore to have the “tong dokaner cha” and gossip, we don’t even have fuchka to fill our mouth with, we don’t go to the concerts of Guru’s like James, Ayub Bachchu, Maksud or can’t dance to the beats of bands like Artcell-Aurthohin-shironaamhin-lalon etc. or watch Mila-Fuad-Habib banging the stages with some mind-blowing music pieces where we can tear our voices into…we don’t get to have rickshaw rides all around our respective areas as-well. We weren’t able to shop for the red-white color combination new clothes or have the delightful special sweets on the Nobo-Barsha morning even or standing taste the panta-ilish in the hot weather of different areas of Dhaka city. We even missed the Chayanot-singing presentation at Ramna and “the Mela” at DU area. However, we tried to fulfill such huge incompleteness with our five hour show, where we forgot where we are – we only remembered who we are – and how badly we miss our country. We poured each possible way all that we hold inside towards our culture – mixed them up with verbal or physical efforts and turned the UM Pardana Siswa Auditorium into more like “Pohela Boishakh Moments” in our own maybe imperfect but magical ways. Lastly, I thank my fellow members in the committee – I am blessed to be found by you and to find you, as I feel connected to you through what we mutually hold within ourselves – which is Bangladesh. I am grateful to you for those 25 days of working together and mostly the show – which made me, forgot that how far I am from my country; my loved ones and making it all feel like home again. And to the readers back in home and abroad as in me, especially the youth of our times - Unfortunately most of us try to act like a Bengali for a day and rest of the year act as if some alien in the home grounds by neglecting the language, blaming the difficult living style of Bangladesh, blaming the flaws of social-educational-cultural norms which is more of so-called revolution of freedom of free-mind. Please let’s love-respect- do everything possible for our country – because at the end when you are ever in abroad and true to your roots– when you’ll see there is not much to relate to your original culture you will become devastated even for a very short period of time and you would realize how much have you wasted in picking out the flaws of your birthplace rather than actually recognizing it for its contribution to your existence. Photographs By Hussain Fakruddin (A free-lancer currently working in Kuala lampur from Sri Lanka)

April 12, 2012

...what goes around it comes around...


Hello there... Good Morning... another new day it is.. hopefully will get something new to learn ... Um mm.. currently i am worried about the earthquakes and tsunami alerts in Indonesia... We had couple ones back in home and 1st time in life I was not laughing of the fact of being moved on the ground, feeling it, saying - La Ilahe Illallahu Muhamdur Rasulallah.. or like asking Amma to stop panicking about it. I never panic of death .. I never get shocked of hearing someone died. I don't know why maybe because i believe even death has a purpose. But yesterday when I heard i went panicking myself... I called back home.. Parents .. sisters .. him . to know that they are safe and sound. Went worried about the babies. things I never did back in BD. But staying apart from things sometimes makes us realize the real value of it. Friends .. Family .. laughter in your own colours .. life. May all be safe everywhere in every home in every situation - in worse, in pain, in death even. sigh! I am a maniac at times. Obnoxiously something struck me these days... I have never cared that the pain of loosing I bear inside gifted to me from others - even I at time ignore it - and try it on others as-well. I complain of giving so much and still not being attended - where as I myself avoided the fact that even I do that to people. I think I am growing up mentally .. I am trying to learn things from the both sides lately. Putting myself into others shoes, when I see people being as lonely and shut-off due to unreasonable attempts of love-seeking- I discover even I cause the reason behind to others. It was always about me- what I am loosing - what I am not getting - what I am being left off from ... I always say it doesn't matter - but deep down inside - I am afraid at times even. Because I know how vague the dialogue is - it does matter - as far as we have hearts everything matters regarding to laughter or tears. I often tend to be this crazy - damn care - rude biatch to others - but when I see people doing that to me - I break into pieces - and I even I do that as-well. But I never try to see that what I go through .. I am also making others go through it.
Life is uncertain - If I ignore one today - I might be ignored as in the one tomorrow. there's no ultimate equation to life - life can be anything at anytime. When I came here 2 months back.. I had this numbness killing inside ... I was like trapped and coudnt let go of what needed to be let go off .. I still am stuck with myself .. but I am trying and yes I had the push all it required to take that extra step and start afresh ... with the newer good things. To forget one shock its not necessary anymore to go for another one...at-least thats whats been my excuse to my mistakes all these years. However, now when I look back I see how stupid i was to think in one-way... I was running from it in the name of moving on.. I never faced it rather I closed the chapter and opened another one - but the book remained the same ... the theme remained the same. A guitar changed my such dumb point-of-view... I always talked of learning how to play a guitar.. but I never tried to go somewhere or to look for the learning stuff for that. I just talked about it. If I could really do what I felt like doing- could really stick to my heart and act according to my mind I would know how to play a guitar and play for myself. I wouldn't had to feel sad of looking at it and not being able to use it. There's so many things in life - good-fun-better ones I think of doing ... but i always pretend to be not-caring-at all so I never take that extra step and to actually earn that exact thing. Unless or until one tries ... none gets anything in this world. and even if without trying you get it - you eventually take it granted.
Now I guess I am learning to understand my imperfection more closing within me and accepting my flaws in true terms. if someone doesn't love me back that is because I am not the right person for that person - normally I would have said .. doesn't matter .. he isn't worth it whereas i should have tried to be the one and show that I was worth it and than it shouldn't;t had mattered. I knew every right path - but i din't follow the instructions to ride it properly - so i ended up moving all around it. Now I know I have to learn playing a guitar as I always wanted it and Inshallah I will do it. I know I have to know how to drive because that is essential - for my own betterment - I know I have to be really nice to people and not behave in a way which had or would cause me pain if I was not treated nice. Forcing isn't my type ... but I always imposed the fact when I din't got what I expected ... but in Life its not meant to be getting all expectations fulfilled. Its more of making executions of those expectations and be better .. be worthy of it. ah... its better to be late rather to never reach there and yes its more of a rebirth of me as all that I knew is more delicate and reasonable and mostly the true-ugly face of reality. Whenever in life - you see someone giving so much even if you can't pay them back - let them know what they have done for you. if you can't accept it ... be able to appreciate it. reject but also respect it. don't have it but don't waste it either. because it takes a lot of guts and soul to be able to give all that you have or even a smaller part of it. Cheers!

April 10, 2012

... Sleepless In KL ...


aauf...a sleepless night...have a big day to pass. Um... and I miss my room. Its been raining for almost 2hours now. spent the entire night talking to different people and I enjoyed it. Life isn't that bad you know ... more on that believing to survival efforts and breathing on own terms is worth living such hell of a life. Though I am feeling very sleepy...but I cant.. I feel like not going to the class today .. maybe I will skip it. I just wanna spend the day talking and talking. someone told me in FB - Happiness is good health and a bad (short) memory..the most unhappy mind is one that happens to think the most...that takes life too seriously, at its basest... and he told me - "perhaps u let urself be moved by anything that happens around, cry over anything that doesn’t go by ur line of thinking or expectation…but I think that one becomes happy only when one starts to expect less from life, from people who matter and who who do not…" ... he is just a FB friend... and i replied with - I am ok this way amr happy thakte valo lage naa u kno i get bored when everything happens my way i get bored of laughing and smiling i get bored of having a perfect life i like problems I am more content such way.. attention seeker.. drama queen.. getting sympathy of others and he came up with that's the truest confession he heard or whatever - ahahaha.. but its true.. maybe lately my incompleteness and self-lacking criteria has made me act like such... what to do ?? leave me or live without me.. its takes alot to stick to someone like me who is unstable & unpredictable in life. when where why my heart falls and breaks I don't keep track of it.. sometimes I wonder from why has Allah gifted me with such charm of loving so easily and demanding such hugely and giving such less.. once one of my x's told me that I love torturing myself and others and I enjoy that. and I think I do. now that makes me a bad person. now what to do? leave me or live with me.. I am already created and established that way... very confusing?? I guess its the dizziness. well - Inshallah may the day be good.. and all be safe.. I think I will write another one today ... as I am too tired to concentrate on actually what i intended to write ... :( cheers!

April 09, 2012

... another day another fight ...

aww.. yes ... I am still breathing :D today while sleeping for a while I felt I am back in my home and could my mother shouting... well she has a loud voice and back home i used wake up hearing her most days. but no... someone in the dorm corridor was shouting.. sigh i miss u amma ... one of the prettiest ladies i have ever seen :P
Well... here is a sunny day in KL today but the sky is making huge music - meaning the thunder sounds, seems its going to rain soon ... did I ever said that UMA nature made me fell in love with nature actually? Yes... after Cox's ... Its UMA - the place i love the most in the world. I am not much of a traveller or a nature lover - but I adore watching the beauties of trees and bushes and empty roads and highland-marks here... Staring at the empty environment full of greenery makes me go green LOL..
aah... its our Bengali New Year next week and we the Bengali students are hosting a event on the night of 13th :D :D and I am going to sing with my tune-less dramatic horrible voice in it... being a foreigner is a blessing at times .. no-matter how bad i perform I will wont be cursed ! more I will get sympathy and as most wont understand what we will be singing so less critics ! ahahaha... OK... I have got a class to catch in 2 hours.. I just finished up my one-entire week vacation and I am feeling like I don't want to go. I sleep alot less than I used to in BD... maybe max 4-6hours normally and sometimes by miracle 8hours max. at-least once a week. I believe when I will go back to BD in my vacation i will first sleep a whole week 12-16 hours and then do other works... oh no... its raining ... gosh ! I hate carrying the umbrella!!! huh! So, as I am unwillingly on my way to spend the rest of the days with my class or whatever - I wish all a very good day and May Allah bless us with safety ... p.s - life isn't always that we want it to be...its upto us whether we can be the way life requires us to be .. Cheers!

April 08, 2012

Officialy Once agaiN I am singLe...

but 1st time in life not ready to mingLe... lol .. after-all whatever happens ... happens for good.. lately i felt its better to stay alone ... than to be with someone and still feel lonely ... and it made me terrible to force someone to keep loving me...and my ultimate realization is LoVe isnt about being together all the time ...it also means being apart and still praying for the betterment of the person we love... tada ! Soi Is Acting Like a Grown-UP .. congratulations Soi ! Ok... I am back after so many months... let me give some info on myself ... weLL ... I am currently in Kuala-Lumpur .. doing my masters in Development Studies ... exact 2 months away from Bangladesh .. I am content .. had rough pitches lately .. and Yes Hell Yea I am moving On...
By now You know .. I am a contradictory person with my emotional-vague-obsessed self-deduction ! I am 25+ and I sometimes still manage to act like sweet 16...lol I am crazy and my own Favorited-selfish BraT! I miss my country-friends-family more than ever .. and life here in KL isnt worse ... I mean yea its bad at times .. But I am learning to stick to it as time is passing by.
Life here is nothing like Bangladesh ... sometimes i feel as if i am some kinda alien here ... sometimes others are to me. But life is always moving on .. on and on ... Now when I did i fell in love again?? just a month ... as I am a universal lover ... and i Love being in Love .. it just happened.. let me tell you - when you love someone - never expect that they will love you the same way you do.. its all about being patient .. attraction .. trust .. compromises and understanding ...
 as just in a month he has made me forgotten about my mistakes..scars..past memories which used to haunt me down to hell .. and as far as his concern ... doesn't matter what i feel... strange huh?? Einsteinian statement refers to if you don't believe in mysteries or magic's that means you aint alive ... I have always gone to Love .. but this time love came to me.. and it faded itself from the other person .. and forcing someone to be in love with you - aah no - that's something Soi is never comfortable with .. but I did that !!!because Love sets you free .. when in need .. it shows you how compassionately you can love someone and at the same time you cant have him .. so I guess Once more as always - Allah Is Doing What is right for ME... what else??? I have decided to be regularly writing from now on ... though i cant write but i will honestly give it another try... why ??? because I want to .. duh ! lol.. Its never too late to accept own lacking... minding own limitations and still be happy about what we are ... cheers!