What Is Love ?

love is every morning when i wake up thinking i am next to him and i feel profoundly safe. 
love is every kiss i put on him and i feel i am close to life - to earth. 
love is every time i land in his arms and i feel i am home. 
love is every day i go to work and i wish to see him when i finish. love is every meal that i have and reminds me whether he has eaten or not. 
love is when i get angry and sad - and i feel i will not talk to him but then i end up touching him slowly in tears and in pain. 
love is when i can't stop telling him how my day was. 
love is when i wear something and wish him to tell me i look good. 
love is when i hope he would call me and tell me he misses me. 
love is each time he smiles at me and i get loads of butterflies in my stomach. 
love is every love story which reminds me of ours. 
love is any breaking point when i loose myself, i feel weak and lonely. 
love is any boiling point when i feel extremely heated up wanting to be with him in every possible way i can. 
love is what i feel for his friends and family - pure and honest; whether i like them or not. Yet how they have become part of my life.
love is how we don't agree and even when we disagree we remain partners- in wellness and in sickness, in harmony and in chaos. 
love is what makes me cry and laugh to think and not to think. 
love is when i love him and he loves me. 
love is beyond signs on a piece of paper or approval from elders. 
love is everything that makes me feel, sense, to understand, not to understand, numbly dumb, dominantly stupid; loudly active, prominently sad;love is when We Love, in goodness and in badness.

To let go is to forgive, the moment you can forgive who or what or why or how - you are ready to let go - to start over!

We often get hurt by people, their lies, their attitudes, their simple tiny misconceptions regarding us. it feels sad to see people we cherish the most, are so radical in making us feel down on ourselves. 

Such times you feel angry, you feel stupid, you scream, you explain over and over or you naturally get inside a shell - crying on your own. Some wounds are forever. Some are too bad to hold onto. As time passes by - we learn to deal with those hurts, we pretend we are over those, even we actually manage to get over at times as well.

But do we really forgive those people? do we forget those moments?

Rather we change ourselves, make ourselves stronger and stronger, hard to access, emotionally unavailable for that particular person or group of people. if someone hurts you - that happens for 2 reason in my observation. Either you give them the access or they are complete assholes. Well, both ways you are the one who's in pain! 

Furthermore, though it's always a temporary situation but it f'cking tears you apart even if its for a moment. so what??? yeap that's the magical 2 words - my trick to overcome hurtful situations. 

Every single time I get hurt by someone close or distant, i look at myself - hate my crying face and shout out inside "So WhaT?" 

I mean my heart is not only for bouncing and dancing - its also for aching and pouncing sorrows duh! Am i being too generous ? No, Soi is hardly generous towards people who hurts her. when i ask and find out it doesn't stop me from daily life functioning, whew i am blessed. why it doesn't ? because i got other stuff to take care of. My maa, my job, my friends, myself wow. And slowly bit by bit I brighten up. 

Life is full of uncertain possibilities and too short to waste over people who are not worth your tears, your heartbreaks, your time to act sad and dark. 

Whenever someone leaves you rather then counting what you are loosing - count what you are left with afterwards. 

Whenever someone makes a messy comment on your being, rather then sobbing over the criticism, smile at the amount of concern you managed to create at the 1st place. 

Whenever you feel hurt and the whole world starts to shake up in your vision, close your eyes and remember the faces, repeat the faiths that made you whatever you are already. 

People supposedly are to hurt people. You must be thinking that this girl is crazy and too strong to say all these. Trust me - i am as weak, emotional and stupid as you are. Even I have pretty hard times in letting go of people, of moments, of memories. For me to let go is to forgive. And i do forgive people the moment i find the definite answer to So what! 

Life is not easy. C'mon who said it would be? its supposed to be twisted, complicated and requires great deal of effort from each of us in our respective ways. More or less, we all do have to survive, whether we like it or not.

Being hurt doesn't make you a looser - rather it proves you have got a heart and it beats to every beat it recognizes.
Don't just quit because you dint match up to some other persons standard of life.
Quit only when it makes you conflict with your own standard of living.
Change for yourself - be stronger to survive for yourself - not because someone else told you, you are imperfect.
And if you are as much as in love with own self as i am - don't bother about being sad.
Just don't make it your 24/7 routine.
Laugh when you want to. Cry when you feel like.
It proves you are a human, a normal one.

Forgive when you know, you are better then holding grudges and making a fuss.
Let go of the unnecessary pains in you life, to your soul - your soul is what you should survive for.

Give it your full-length of care - unless death persists, your soul will never betray you. 

... another day another fight ...

aww.. yes ... I am still breathing :D today while sleeping for a while I felt I am back in my home and could my mother shouting... well she has a loud voice and back home i used wake up hearing her most days. but no... someone in the dorm corridor was shouting.. sigh i miss u amma ... one of the prettiest ladies i have ever seen :P

Well... here is a sunny day in KL today but the sky is making huge music - meaning the thunder sounds, seems its going to rain soon ... did I ever said that UMA nature made me fell in love with nature actually? Yes... after Cox's ... Its UMA - the place i love the most in the world. I am not much of a traveller or a nature lover - but I adore watching the beauties of trees and bushes and empty roads and highland-marks here... Staring at the empty environment full of greenery makes me go green LOL..

aah... its our Bengali New Year next week and we the Bengali students are hosting a event on the night of 13th :D :D and I am going to sing with my tune-less dramatic horrible voice in it... being a foreigner is a blessing at times .. no-matter how bad i perform I will wont be cursed ! more I will get sympathy and as most wont understand what we will be singing so less critics ! ahahaha... OK... I have got a class to catch in 2 hours.. I just finished up my one-entire week vacation and I am feeling like I don't want to go. I sleep alot less than I used to in BD... maybe max 4-6hours normally and sometimes by miracle 8hours max. at-least once a week. I believe when I will go back to BD in my vacation i will first sleep a whole week 12-16 hours and then do other works... oh no... its raining ... gosh ! I hate carrying the umbrella!!! huh! So, as I am unwillingly on my way to spend the rest of the days with my class or whatever - I wish all a very good day and May Allah bless us with safety ... p.s - life isn't always that we want it to be...its upto us whether we can be the way life requires us to be .. Cheers!

Officialy Once agaiN I am singLe...

but 1st time in life not ready to mingLe... lol .. after-all whatever happens ... happens for good.. lately i felt its better to stay alone ... than to be with someone and still feel lonely ... and it made me terrible to force someone to keep loving me...and my ultimate realization is LoVe isnt about being together all the time ...it also means being apart and still praying for the betterment of the person we love... tada ! Soi Is Acting Like a Grown-UP .. congratulations Soi ! Ok... I am back after so many months... let me give some info on myself ... weLL ... I am currently in Kuala-Lumpur .. doing my masters in Development Studies ... exact 2 months away from Bangladesh .. I am content .. had rough pitches lately .. and Yes Hell Yea I am moving On...

By now You know .. I am a contradictory person with my emotional-vague-obsessed self-deduction ! I am 25+ and I sometimes still manage to act like sweet 16...lol I am crazy and my own Favorited-selfish BraT! I miss my country-friends-family more than ever .. and life here in KL isnt worse ... I mean yea its bad at times .. But I am learning to stick to it as time is passing by.

Life here is nothing like Bangladesh ... sometimes i feel as if i am some kinda alien here ... sometimes others are to me. But life is always moving on .. on and on ... Now when I did i fell in love again?? just a month ... as I am a universal lover ... and i Love being in Love .. it just happened.. let me tell you - when you love someone - never expect that they will love you the same way you do.. its all about being patient .. attraction .. trust .. compromises and understanding ...

 as just in a month he has made me forgotten about my mistakes..scars..past memories which used to haunt me down to hell .. and as far as his concern ... doesn't matter what i feel... strange huh?? Einsteinian statement refers to if you don't believe in mysteries or magic's that means you aint alive ... I have always gone to Love .. but this time love came to me.. and it faded itself from the other person .. and forcing someone to be in love with you - aah no - that's something Soi is never comfortable with .. but I did that !!!because Love sets you free .. when in need .. it shows you how compassionately you can love someone and at the same time you cant have him .. so I guess Once more as always - Allah Is Doing What is right for ME... what else??? I have decided to be regularly writing from now on ... though i cant write but i will honestly give it another try... why ??? because I want to .. duh ! lol.. Its never too late to accept own lacking... minding own limitations and still be happy about what we are ... cheers!