...Ramadan Days...

Alhamdulilah ... I am still alive - healthy and peacefully (kind of) spending my this year's ramadan back home with my family and friends and being in the same city as in him :D

I am mostly a power-attention-care freak woman with absence of clear manners and justified activities. I do things which i wish to do without any concern to prior convictions that i might have to face or overcome. I am me - good and bad -ugly and sad - mostly smiling without reason ... whore-minded (named by a very close person to me) ... lol .. provocative-less active-quite possessive-huge temperamental and slight jealous kind of species ... duh - I am a human and I am not wise or worth risking your life for but I am good in helping you life get of risk for sure.

Ramadan to me is of limitations from obvious lust-pleasure-luxury-hatred-sick thinkings-dirty imaginations-seductive allocations of actions-envy-slothful intentions... it is to share-to help-to benefit others each way possible. Am I a pure fasting-holder? no comments to that ! 

I have fallen so low - that even my passion of getting up is lost at times. I have given reasons to people to hate me - not to want me - not to be with me. I have proved even I can loose control over relationships and my visions has changed. My ethics have advanced ... and my viewpoints are on diversion of changing directions. This year of 2012 - surely is a turning point in the book of my storyline - I am growing up real fast and real bad - I have got envious aggregation towards not-having-what-I-want ... I aint that sweet innocent girl any-more who used to cry slow and weep silently and say nothing to anyone - I shout - I scream - I insist - I provoke - I indulge - I protest - I resist - I sin - I make mistakes. 

I proud - I burn - I curse and most of all I ruin ! 

I think on my own concern more - I understand the clever dirty connections more - I value truth more - I live upto others expectations less and happily I get hurt more and more easily now-a-days. 

I don't know is it because I live a complete different me - back there in KL ? 

Or is it because I have experiences few new era's of life in past 6months?

People has changed alot around me - funny - it was always me who believed in change and when it happened to people i love - i coudnt take it ... i still can't maybe - but I am trying...after-all i am breathing still and time is moving on .. have to act prompt and smart or else tata-bye bye zindegi! whew!

love is more like a passion yes ! i love being in love - and no i will never change for sure ... i will dream about things which will never happen to me - i will want men who will never need me - i will need situations which will actually never occur in sense. 

I am on my way to 26 - but I still act as in some teen on her way to meeting her first cruse :D thanx to the men - who still can make me feel in such way - I am entirely grateful to you .

Moreover I am kind of being adoptive in case of family-matters ... I guess diplomatic would be the exact word... hmmm - going well Soi ! 

Friends - fixing my direction off to making them secondary priority of my life ...

Focus - havn't been able to set straight foot on it yet - but working hard - real hard ... 

Last but not the least - Have regained my faith of rejoicing my own mood after couple of years i guess ! yes - i have managed to be steady and happy even of feeling enormous pain somewhere down there inside of my soul - Bravo ! 

Uncertainties - a wide warming welcome ! 

Life - lets Play Fair-Safe-Big! 

Love Soi!