... the taste of failure ...

how does the failure taste ?? 

would it be suitable to call the current feelings failure or breaking down?

a month ago - i heard from a very pro-active person of my person telling me - I will never succeed in relationships - because i am too self-obsessed ... and ignorant of others feelings ... i am selfish in such manner that nothing or no-one seems to work out with me ... 

when did i said i am not that? i always do admit and accept that I love myself the most ... to me it matters the most on terms of personal relationships - what i can give and can't .. being bold and stubborn has always been my kind of attitude ... and now I do have a attitude problem ... 

because of what its quite easy to leave me because if you cant stand me - even i don't bother. 

I have left home - staying without friends ... life has been quite strange to me - bit happiness is something which never stays longer in my end. i have seen in past few months that i am not worth it to stand ... people often gets it hard to put up with me - and no i don't blame their wits regarding such intolerance. 

i am greedy of the fact that i am what i have become and i don't compromise on the facts of i believe i am made of ... I am bad - dirty - witty - irritatingly impossible - but i am mine ... people talks about pain that i give them - i talk of the insecure-imbalanced present they give me. i am not adorable enough to adore - then why stick to me for the time-being as per your level of tolerance? do i beg you to do so? 

i know i am in-capable of making changes - because i have seen - it takes less then moments to leave me - leaving me has been always easier - as i dont force people to grab me in neither i entitle others to be with me. not every person on earth is given the power to create - to build - to bond ... its my incapabilities - and no i dont hate myself for that.

I always say i am crazy - because that is what i am. 

whatever my previous actions were or how i came so far - i did become such profound egoistic.

failure - another failure - its not nice to hear that i am incapable of relationships.

i don't feel guilty or ashamed - i just don't feel fine inside - it tears me apart - still i wont change myself - because its not worth it - the person who intends to stick - sticks no matter what. 

i am imperfect - and i accept myself as i am ... 

i have lost so many things and people for that ...

i am ready to loose more. 

i know i will. 

still i will be what i will be.