... Habits ...

Your habit is to play with my heart and break it more n more 

my habit is to pick the pieces and bring them together and be your toy again & again..  

Life goes on .. but for some people some habits remain still at the same point ..  gosh ... i wonder when will i grow old and be out of such habits ... Allah bless me!

Satyamev Jayate ... My story of Sexual Abuse at the age of 11 ..

Satyamev Jayate ... the best show which moves me and makes me shiver into tears ... each and every moment I see through .. in my entire 25 years ...

I have been through hell .. so many sin's .. so many losing .. so many in-appropriate situations... with different levels of living ... different phases of life so far... But after watching today's show .. as I have burst out into tears .. I believe .. I am so blessed and fortunate .. and in comparison to such accidents in life to such innocent kids .. nothing is sad in my life ...

As per the definition, I also fall under the child sexual abuse - Yes .. I was forcefully forced into kissing a guy of 55 that time - touches in my private parts - I was 11 years old.. it happened to my 5-6 times - he is a Pakistani friend of my father ... they share a friendship of like 40 years. It stopped just the way it is said in the show - I told the person whom I thought of as in my bodyguard in those years .. My sister ... and yes I ran away from him after that ... for years ... Alhamdulilah ...

My feelings - hmmm.. In those days, I was mature - thanx to watching movie's - I knew kiss was a special thing - not to have just with anyone - so I knew it was wrong - first time it was weird - confusing - I was scared - after that I knew I dint deserve that ... and I had to fight for myself.. smart kid - yes i was smart - and sensible about my being a girl-child and my private parts. I felt such amount of disgrace and hatred on myself - i was scared with the same level of fear - as depicted in the show - no one will trust me - it took me till the last time to burst out into tears in my sisters washroom - holding her tight and just tell her - He kissed me .. and thankfully my sister understood and asked me to stay away from him ... and I did.. as he used to visit us once or twice a year - he is this rich - big shot - owner of a airline company in Pakistan ... business partner to my father in those days ... no .. never told parents about it - and yes i forgot about it due to course of time ...

where he is now - I don't know or care ...

what I feel about it now - it wasn't my fault - it was that bloody bustards sick filthy mentality - his illness - yes i term him as in a ill-mental person ... and i do forgive him .. because I know Allah will punish him or maybe Allah has punished him already. 

my request to all - please be there for your child - or any child in your family - or any child you know - your brothers or sisters - be their faith as they think of you ... need you. 

I agree - no child lies about such incident - because we hardly talk to children about such issues - or built up such awareness in them .. we like to keep things secret and hidden .. we mostly don't even give them the access to talk to us anything they want to...such a pity to my homeland.

In Bangladesh - I strongly believe - there are millions of similar cases - and people wont even have guts like Amir khan or reliance or star in my country to make a show or even think of such concept - ever ... Bangladesh is country where 5-8 year olds even commit suicide due to eve teasing .. where people to freak about religion and social taboos - busy giving f'ck about social intrusion and images ... we are too spineless to even think its happening around us. if searched ... hundred of cases ... thousands of people in all ages will be found in the same hell - once been there at least . I am not writing on the basis of statistics or not having empirical evidences in hand - don't need to .. I know its happening .. it has happened .. it will happen. 

desire - strong inspiration - must make a workshop like this when I get back to home - to the kids in my family. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hY8CyTeegrM

please do listen to you child when he/she asks you to .. please talk to them and let them know what in them is not to be touched by others ... make them understand they can put faith in you and you are their ultimate bodyguards - as you give birth to them - you give them the breath to live - be responsible for it ...

those who have been through it - hats off to you - be strong .. be bold .. be loving to yourself - you dint choose that - and now when its over - be born again in your own solidarity - own light of faith - you have said no or been saved - you are fortunate - share it - help others ...

those who are undergoing it - get yourself together - forget what others will go through - how people or relationships may suffer - speak out .. stand out for yourself - at least try - go for help - be your own help if possible. 

and for the mother-fuckers who does these sin - may you burn in hell ! 

SaybaL

What Is Child Sexual Abuse?

At the extreme end of the spectrum, sexual abuse includes sexual intercourse or its deviations. Yet all offences that involve sexually touching a child, as well as non-touching offenses and sexual exploitation, are just as harmful and devastating to a child’s well-being.

Touching sexual offenses include:

• Fondling;
• Making a child touch an adult’s sexual organs; and
• Penetrating a child’s vagina or anus no matter how slight with a penis or any object that doesn’t have a valid medical purpose.

Non-touching sexual offenses include:

• Engaging in indecent exposure or exhibitionism;
• Exposing children to pornographic material;
• Deliberately exposing a child to the act of sexual intercourse; and
• Masturbating in front of a child.

Sexual exploitation can include:

• Engaging a child or soliciting a child for the purposes of prostitution; and
• Using a child to film, photograph or model pornography.

These definitions are broad. In most states, the legal definition of child molestation is an act of a person—adult or child—who forces, coerces or threatens a child to have any form of sexual contact or to engage in any type of sexual activity at the perpetrator’s direction.

What Are the Effects of Child Sexual Abuse?

The effects of sexual abuse extend far beyond childhood. Sexual abuse robs children of their childhood and creates a loss of trust, feelings of guilt and self-abusive behavior. It can lead to antisocial behavior, depression, identity confusion, loss of selfesteem and other serious emotional problems. It can also lead to difficulty with intimate relationships later in life. The sexual victimization of children is ethically and morally wrong.

Proving Sexual Abuse

When sexual abuse occurs the child victim may be the only witness and the child’s statements may be the only evidence. In such cases, the central issue sometimes becomes whether the child’s statements can be trusted. Some child welfare experts feel that children never lie about sexual abuse and that their statements must always be believed. According to Douglas Besharov in The Future of Children (1994), “Potential reporters are not expected to determine the truth of a child’s statements. As a general rule, therefore, all doubts should be resolved in favor of making a report.” He continues, “A child who describes being sexually abused should be reported unless there is clear reason to disbelieve the statement.”

Child sexual abuse cases can be very difficult to prove largely because cases where definitive, objective evidence exists are the exception rather than the rule. The first indicators of sexual abuse may not be physical, but rather behavioral changes or abnormalities. Unfortunately, because it can be so difficult to accept that sexual abuse may be occurring,the adult may misinterpret the signals and feel that the child is merely being disobedient or insolent.

The reaction to the disclosure of abuse then becomes disbelief and rejection of the child’s statements.

Sexual abuse is usually discovered in one of two ways:

• Direct disclosure (e.g., the victim, victim’s family member or parent seeking help makes a statement)
• Indirect methods (e.g., someone witnesses the abuse to the child, the child contracts a sexually transmitted disease or the child becomes pregnant)

Sometimes the child may be so traumatized by sexual abuse that years pass before he or she is able to understand or talk about what happened. In these cases, adult survivors of sexual abuse may come forward for the first time in their 40s or 50s and divulge the horror of their experiences.

What Should You Look for If You Suspect Sexual Abuse?

Children who are sexually abused may exhibit behavioral changes, based on their age.

Children up to age 3 may exhibit:

• Fear or excessive crying
• Vomiting
• Feeding problems
• Bowel problems
• Sleep disturbances
• Failure to thrive

Children ages 2 to 9 may exhibit:

• Fear of particular people, places or activities
• Regression to earlier behaviors such as bed wetting or stranger anxiety
• Victimization of others
• Excessive masturbation
• Feelings of shame or guilt
• Nightmares or sleep disturbances
• Withdrawal from family or friends
• Fear of attack recurring
• Eating disturbances

Symptoms of sexual abuse in older children and adolescents include:

• Depression
• Nightmares or sleep disturbances
• Poor school performance
• Promiscuity
• Substance abuse
• Aggression
• Running away from home
• Fear of attack recurring
• Eating disturbances
• Early pregnancy or marriage
• Suicidal gestures
• Anger about being forced into situation beyond one’s control
• Pseudo-mature behaviors

What Can You Do?

Protect your children. Teach your children what appropriate sexual behavior is and when to say “no” if someone tries to touch sexual parts of their bodies or touch them in any way that makes them feel uncomfortable. Also, observe your children when they interact with others to see if they are hesitant or particularly uncomfortable around certain adults. It is critical to provide adequate supervision for your children and only leave them in the care of individuals whom you deem safe.

Support child abuse victims. Children need to know that they can speak openly to a trusted adult and that they will be believed. Children who are victims of sexual abuse should always be reassured that they are not responsible for what has happened to them. Offer encouragement for victims by supporting organizations that help victims of incest or by simply reassuring victims of sexual abuse that they should not feel shame or guilt. It is important to understand that troubled families can be helped and that everyone can play a part in the process.

Teach others about child abuse. Help make others aware of sexual abuse by arranging for knowledgeable guest speakers to present to your organizations or groups. Encourage your local school board to establish programs to educate both teachers and students about the problem.

Report, report, report. If you suspect sexual abuse and believe a child to be in imminent danger, report it to the local child protective services agency (often called “social services” or “human services”) in your county or state. Professionals who work with children are required by law to report reasonable suspicion of abuse or neglect. Furthermore, in 20 states, citizens who suspect abuse or neglect are required to report it. “Reasonable suspicion” based on objective evidence, which could be firsthand observation or statements made by a parent or child, is all that is needed to report. Remember that you may be the only person in a position to help a child who is being sexually abused.

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know

one thing.


You know how this is:

if I look

at the crystal moon, at the red branch

of the slow autumn at my window,

if I touch

near the fire

the impalpable ash

or the wrinkled body of the log,

everything carries me to you,

as if everything that exists,

aromas, light, metals,

were little boats

that sail

toward those isles of yours that wait for me.


Well, now,

if little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you little by little.





If suddenly

you forget me

do not look for me,

for I shall already have forgotten you.





If you think it long and mad,

the wind of banners

that passes through my life,

and you decide

to leave me at the shore

of the heart where I have roots,

remember

that on that day,

at that hour,

I shall lift my arms

and my roots will set off

to seek another land.





But

if each day,

each hour,

you feel that you are destined for me

with implacable sweetness,

if each day a flower

climbs up to your lips to seek me,

ah my love, ah my own,

in me all that fire is repeated,

in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,

my love feeds on your love, beloved,

and as long as you live it will be in your arms

without leaving mine

Celebrating “Pohela Boishak 1419” and Bringing Bengali Culture Live on Stage: by University Malaya Bengali Students Community!

“Esho hein Boishakh Esho Esho “ -a song which almost every Bengali by heart bears to sing out loud even with the weakest voice, on every resplendent first day of Bengali New Year, and we the Bengali students of University Malaya, ( Kuala-lumpur, Malaysia) are proudly enriched with such strong feeling as-well. It’s the feeling which day-to-day reminds us of where we come from & actually belong, the basis of our true cultural roots to our own expression of belonging – originality – individuality – to Bangladesh. To us, the history of “Pohela Boishakh” or the first day of the first month of the each Bengali year, that we recall is - Under the Mughals, agricultural taxes were collected according to the Hijri calendar. As the Hijri calendar was not a purely lunar calendar, it didn’t not match with the harvest seasons. Due to what the farmers back than were struggling to pay taxes out of season. So, The Mughal Emperor Akbar to simplify the tax-collection process ordered a reform of the calendar. Therefore, Fatehullah Shirazi, a renowned scholar and astronomer, formulated the Bengali year on the basis of the Hijri lunar and Hindu solar calendars. The new Fasli San (agricultural year) was introduced on 10/11 March 1584, but was dated from Akbar's ascension to the throne in 1556. The New Year subsequently became known as Bônggabdo or Bengali year. Though, Celebrations of “Pohela Boishakh” started from Akbar's reign. It was customary to clear up all dues on the last day of the year. On the next day, or the first day of the New Year, landlords would entertain their tenants with sweets. On this occasion there used to be fairs and other festivities. In due course the occasion has become part of domestic and social life, and turned into a day of merriment for Bangladeshi people. The main event of the day was to open a “halkhata” or new book of accounts and say goodbye to old dues. (Internet) As I recently moved in to Kuala-lumpur to do my post-graduation, I was already going through a sturdy despair as I thought I wouldn’t be able to celebrate this year’s “Pohela Boishakh” or even feel for it the way I felt all these year back in my home-country. As in Bangladesh, it means Ramna Botomul, Street Paintings, Colors of Liveliness and Joy depicting through Rallies, Concerts, Traditional Bengali foods – dressing – events everywhere; People despite of their religious-social-linguistic differences all coming onto one ground for a day to be identical in their own terms of celebration and festivity. As like as me, there are hundreds here away from home - friends and family, juggling through the heavy study outlines & foreign culture scenarios, caught in between mid-semester study pressure & urge for even going back to Bangladesh for one day only to be part of the outstanding fete of existence. But due to our educational limitations and certain personal bindings we couldn’t. So, some of us decided to bring Bangladesh to us when we can’t go to her. As a result, we succeeded both organizing and performing in the name of “Pohela Boishakh Celebrating Night” ourselves- in-front of almost 400 local & international people of University Malaya & outside the campus audiences on the very 13th April evening by going live on stage with the pure Bengali Folk-Singing, Dancing, Game-shows related to our language, Fashion-show and solid breathtaking Band-Song Performances in just twenty-five days of initiative-planning, strong efforts towards effective promotions, rehearsals, publicizing face-to-face information’s from person-to-person and the necessary fund raising tasks.

Despite of Belonging to diverse departments, staying in altered places – mostly holding different social-mental-educational backgrounds – we all bonded with one conjoint element – we are Bengalis and no matter how far we are , we belong to Bangladesh at the end of each day of our lives. I know it sounds bit dramatic and maybe a bit exaggeration, but that is honestly what we feel. Living here is nothing comparable to the life in Bangladesh. Maybe, we are not suffering from the un-stable price-hikes or the messy political disputes, the continues load-shedding, hectic traffic jams, the day-to-day tension arising regarding security of citizens etc. but we miss our country in each possible way we can. Because every time we place our steps on this ground we know it’s not ours – and I strongly believe every true Bangladeshi who stays abroad feels as exact as we do. For us, the event was a way of re-connecting ourselves and doing all that we can do to reveal the true colors of our culture – and in such process we thank the entire UM officials, Faculties and Admins for respecting our festival and allowing us to hold the event inside the premise and supporting us with the proper permissions and auditorium facilities. As the event started out with Quran recitation by Ruhul Amin and the theme song of “Pohela Boishakh” sang by Birbal, Raquib, Delta, Rashik, Osru, Khairul & me followed by the speeches from the chief guests - Naseruddin Solaiman, Assistant Registrar (International Students Center – ISC of UM), Soud Rahman, Director (GSA- Sweet Dreams Travel &Tours Sdn Bhd, Show Sponsor), S. M. Anisul Haque, Counsellor (Bangladesh High Commission, KL) & Ehsan Soodmand, President (University Malaya Int. Students Association – UMISA). Most amusingly all the speeches had one particular statement – “it seems suddenly the auditorium is all about Bangladeshi atmosphere and we are in some event of Bangladesh in itself”. With the vibrant Hosting of Osru and Rashik, the event than was followed by a gorgeous dance number by Delta, an unplugged medley of Famous folk songs such as Shadher Lau, Ghate Lagaiya Dinga, Ektara Bajaiyo Na, Tomar Ghore Boshot Kore (Birbal, Raquib, Rashik, Me), an interesting game show on the Bengali alphabets based on entirely the international participants from the audiences hosted by Rasikh and Rafat. Fascinatingly, the fashion show choreographed by Farhad was executed on the ramp by five foreign lovely female students (Boyeon Moon – Korea, Liu Shuoyi –China, Meerim Omorova–Kyrghistan, Zhenishgul Istanbekova–Kyrghistan, Ajar Nurdinova– Kyrghistan) of UM all dressed in traditional saree’s in different Bengali ways escorted with five of the male-organizers. We also had a Malaysian Post-grad Student Vikki, who managed perfectly to sing the famous – “Manobono Biharini” as like as any Bengali singer as part of the show which was an enormous attainment. Finally, there were two band performances – in which not only Birbal, Khairul & Raquib who rocked the stages with the famous Bengali band songs of all times but also remarkably the Bengali Student of MMU (Multi-Media University) performed vividly as-well in their own terms of celebration and respect to the “Pohela Boishakh”. All the audiences were treated with traditional delicious Khuchuri- Begun Bhaji- Ilish Mach Bhaja” as in the food menu was made by us, the organizers to keep a clear relevance to Deshi specialties – which became complete appreciation and liking of the night among the audiences both Bengali and Foreigners. And throughout the event it was Sakib, Saiful, Parisa, Dinky (IIUM), Rafat (MMU), Shawkat, Jahid, Kawsar etc. who were running back and forth regardless of any sort of tiredness for hours to bring all the performances together backstage and making the show go on-wards till the end without any difficulties. (Hats Off to them. We could perform on stage because you were watching our backs in each-single moment). Also gratitude to the remarkable photography of the entire event done by Hussain Fakrudeen, who is originally from Sri Lanka currently working in KL, for being on his toes the whole evening to picture our special moments. It’s been exact two days after the celebration and so far the response is tremendously inspiring and appreciating. People are already asking when our next New Year celebration is and what we will be planning for it. When we first sat down together for the planning, we were quite keen to even expect less than 150 people as we knew living in abroad, people tends to be more busier with own life and living. But when we opened the event, we found Bengali students of MMU, UKM, Sunway University, the foreign students-teachers along with families, the parents, even the collogues of the post-grad and PhD students in the audience seats. It was just few hours but for us, the organizing committee - it was an experience of lifetime. We are young and we are away from home, we don’t see our families or hug our friends for months, we don’t sit in the roads in the evening anymore to have the “tong dokaner cha” and gossip, we don’t even have fuchka to fill our mouth with, we don’t go to the concerts of Guru’s like James, Ayub Bachchu, Maksud or can’t dance to the beats of bands like Artcell-Aurthohin-shironaamhin-lalon etc. or watch Mila-Fuad-Habib banging the stages with some mind-blowing music pieces where we can tear our voices into…we don’t get to have rickshaw rides all around our respective areas as-well. We weren’t able to shop for the red-white color combination new clothes or have the delightful special sweets on the Nobo-Barsha morning even or standing taste the panta-ilish in the hot weather of different areas of Dhaka city. We even missed the Chayanot-singing presentation at Ramna and “the Mela” at DU area. However, we tried to fulfill such huge incompleteness with our five hour show, where we forgot where we are – we only remembered who we are – and how badly we miss our country. We poured each possible way all that we hold inside towards our culture – mixed them up with verbal or physical efforts and turned the UM Pardana Siswa Auditorium into more like “Pohela Boishakh Moments” in our own maybe imperfect but magical ways. Lastly, I thank my fellow members in the committee – I am blessed to be found by you and to find you, as I feel connected to you through what we mutually hold within ourselves – which is Bangladesh. I am grateful to you for those 25 days of working together and mostly the show – which made me, forgot that how far I am from my country; my loved ones and making it all feel like home again. And to the readers back in home and abroad as in me, especially the youth of our times - Unfortunately most of us try to act like a Bengali for a day and rest of the year act as if some alien in the home grounds by neglecting the language, blaming the difficult living style of Bangladesh, blaming the flaws of social-educational-cultural norms which is more of so-called revolution of freedom of free-mind. Please let’s love-respect- do everything possible for our country – because at the end when you are ever in abroad and true to your roots– when you’ll see there is not much to relate to your original culture you will become devastated even for a very short period of time and you would realize how much have you wasted in picking out the flaws of your birthplace rather than actually recognizing it for its contribution to your existence. Photographs By Hussain Fakruddin (A free-lancer currently working in Kuala lampur from Sri Lanka)

...what goes around it comes around...

Hello there... Good Morning... another new day it is.. hopefully will get something new to learn ... Um mm.. currently i am worried about the earthquakes and tsunami alerts in Indonesia... We had couple ones back in home and 1st time in life I was not laughing of the fact of being moved on the ground, feeling it, saying - La Ilahe Illallahu Muhamdur Rasulallah.. or like asking Amma to stop panicking about it. I never panic of death .. I never get shocked of hearing someone died. I don't know why maybe because i believe even death has a purpose. But yesterday when I heard i went panicking myself... I called back home.. Parents .. sisters .. him . to know that they are safe and sound. Went worried about the babies. things I never did back in BD. But staying apart from things sometimes makes us realize the real value of it. Friends .. Family .. laughter in your own colours .. life. May all be safe everywhere in every home in every situation - in worse, in pain, in death even. sigh! I am a maniac at times. Obnoxiously something struck me these days... I have never cared that the pain of loosing I bear inside gifted to me from others - even I at time ignore it - and try it on others as-well. I complain of giving so much and still not being attended - where as I myself avoided the fact that even I do that to people. I think I am growing up mentally .. I am trying to learn things from the both sides lately. Putting myself into others shoes, when I see people being as lonely and shut-off due to unreasonable attempts of love-seeking- I discover even I cause the reason behind to others. It was always about me- what I am loosing - what I am not getting - what I am being left off from ... I always say it doesn't matter - but deep down inside - I am afraid at times even. Because I know how vague the dialogue is - it does matter - as far as we have hearts everything matters regarding to laughter or tears. I often tend to be this crazy - damn care - rude biatch to others - but when I see people doing that to me - I break into pieces - and I even I do that as-well. But I never try to see that what I go through .. I am also making others go through it.

Life is uncertain - If I ignore one today - I might be ignored as in the one tomorrow. there's no ultimate equation to life - life can be anything at anytime. When I came here 2 months back.. I had this numbness killing inside ... I was like trapped and coudnt let go of what needed to be let go off .. I still am stuck with myself .. but I am trying and yes I had the push all it required to take that extra step and start afresh ... with the newer good things. To forget one shock its not necessary anymore to go for another one...at-least thats whats been my excuse to my mistakes all these years. However, now when I look back I see how stupid i was to think in one-way... I was running from it in the name of moving on.. I never faced it rather I closed the chapter and opened another one - but the book remained the same ... the theme remained the same. A guitar changed my such dumb point-of-view... I always talked of learning how to play a guitar.. but I never tried to go somewhere or to look for the learning stuff for that. I just talked about it. If I could really do what I felt like doing- could really stick to my heart and act according to my mind I would know how to play a guitar and play for myself. I wouldn't had to feel sad of looking at it and not being able to use it. There's so many things in life - good-fun-better ones I think of doing ... but i always pretend to be not-caring-at all so I never take that extra step and to actually earn that exact thing. Unless or until one tries ... none gets anything in this world. and even if without trying you get it - you eventually take it granted.

Now I guess I am learning to understand my imperfection more closing within me and accepting my flaws in true terms. if someone doesn't love me back that is because I am not the right person for that person - normally I would have said .. doesn't matter .. he isn't worth it whereas i should have tried to be the one and show that I was worth it and than it shouldn't;t had mattered. I knew every right path - but i din't follow the instructions to ride it properly - so i ended up moving all around it. Now I know I have to learn playing a guitar as I always wanted it and Inshallah I will do it. I know I have to know how to drive because that is essential - for my own betterment - I know I have to be really nice to people and not behave in a way which had or would cause me pain if I was not treated nice. Forcing isn't my type ... but I always imposed the fact when I din't got what I expected ... but in Life its not meant to be getting all expectations fulfilled. Its more of making executions of those expectations and be better .. be worthy of it. ah... its better to be late rather to never reach there and yes its more of a rebirth of me as all that I knew is more delicate and reasonable and mostly the true-ugly face of reality. Whenever in life - you see someone giving so much even if you can't pay them back - let them know what they have done for you. if you can't accept it ... be able to appreciate it. reject but also respect it. don't have it but don't waste it either. because it takes a lot of guts and soul to be able to give all that you have or even a smaller part of it. Cheers!

... Sleepless In KL ...

aauf...a sleepless night...have a big day to pass. Um... and I miss my room. Its been raining for almost 2hours now. spent the entire night talking to different people and I enjoyed it. Life isn't that bad you know ... more on that believing to survival efforts and breathing on own terms is worth living such hell of a life. Though I am feeling very sleepy...but I cant.. I feel like not going to the class today .. maybe I will skip it. I just wanna spend the day talking and talking. someone told me in FB - Happiness is good health and a bad (short) memory..the most unhappy mind is one that happens to think the most...that takes life too seriously, at its basest... and he told me - "perhaps u let urself be moved by anything that happens around, cry over anything that doesn’t go by ur line of thinking or expectation…but I think that one becomes happy only when one starts to expect less from life, from people who matter and who who do not…" ... he is just a FB friend... and i replied with - I am ok this way amr happy thakte valo lage naa u kno i get bored when everything happens my way i get bored of laughing and smiling i get bored of having a perfect life i like problems I am more content such way.. attention seeker.. drama queen.. getting sympathy of others and he came up with that's the truest confession he heard or whatever - ahahaha.. but its true.. maybe lately my incompleteness and self-lacking criteria has made me act like such... what to do ?? leave me or live without me.. its takes alot to stick to someone like me who is unstable & unpredictable in life. when where why my heart falls and breaks I don't keep track of it.. sometimes I wonder from why has Allah gifted me with such charm of loving so easily and demanding such hugely and giving such less.. once one of my x's told me that I love torturing myself and others and I enjoy that. and I think I do. now that makes me a bad person. now what to do? leave me or live with me.. I am already created and established that way... very confusing?? I guess its the dizziness. well - Inshallah may the day be good.. and all be safe.. I think I will write another one today ... as I am too tired to concentrate on actually what i intended to write ... :( cheers!

... another day another fight ...

aww.. yes ... I am still breathing :D today while sleeping for a while I felt I am back in my home and could my mother shouting... well she has a loud voice and back home i used wake up hearing her most days. but no... someone in the dorm corridor was shouting.. sigh i miss u amma ... one of the prettiest ladies i have ever seen :P

Well... here is a sunny day in KL today but the sky is making huge music - meaning the thunder sounds, seems its going to rain soon ... did I ever said that UMA nature made me fell in love with nature actually? Yes... after Cox's ... Its UMA - the place i love the most in the world. I am not much of a traveller or a nature lover - but I adore watching the beauties of trees and bushes and empty roads and highland-marks here... Staring at the empty environment full of greenery makes me go green LOL..

aah... its our Bengali New Year next week and we the Bengali students are hosting a event on the night of 13th :D :D and I am going to sing with my tune-less dramatic horrible voice in it... being a foreigner is a blessing at times .. no-matter how bad i perform I will wont be cursed ! more I will get sympathy and as most wont understand what we will be singing so less critics ! ahahaha... OK... I have got a class to catch in 2 hours.. I just finished up my one-entire week vacation and I am feeling like I don't want to go. I sleep alot less than I used to in BD... maybe max 4-6hours normally and sometimes by miracle 8hours max. at-least once a week. I believe when I will go back to BD in my vacation i will first sleep a whole week 12-16 hours and then do other works... oh no... its raining ... gosh ! I hate carrying the umbrella!!! huh! So, as I am unwillingly on my way to spend the rest of the days with my class or whatever - I wish all a very good day and May Allah bless us with safety ... p.s - life isn't always that we want it to be...its upto us whether we can be the way life requires us to be .. Cheers!

Officialy Once agaiN I am singLe...

but 1st time in life not ready to mingLe... lol .. after-all whatever happens ... happens for good.. lately i felt its better to stay alone ... than to be with someone and still feel lonely ... and it made me terrible to force someone to keep loving me...and my ultimate realization is LoVe isnt about being together all the time ...it also means being apart and still praying for the betterment of the person we love... tada ! Soi Is Acting Like a Grown-UP .. congratulations Soi ! Ok... I am back after so many months... let me give some info on myself ... weLL ... I am currently in Kuala-Lumpur .. doing my masters in Development Studies ... exact 2 months away from Bangladesh .. I am content .. had rough pitches lately .. and Yes Hell Yea I am moving On...

By now You know .. I am a contradictory person with my emotional-vague-obsessed self-deduction ! I am 25+ and I sometimes still manage to act like sweet 16...lol I am crazy and my own Favorited-selfish BraT! I miss my country-friends-family more than ever .. and life here in KL isnt worse ... I mean yea its bad at times .. But I am learning to stick to it as time is passing by.

Life here is nothing like Bangladesh ... sometimes i feel as if i am some kinda alien here ... sometimes others are to me. But life is always moving on .. on and on ... Now when I did i fell in love again?? just a month ... as I am a universal lover ... and i Love being in Love .. it just happened.. let me tell you - when you love someone - never expect that they will love you the same way you do.. its all about being patient .. attraction .. trust .. compromises and understanding ...

 as just in a month he has made me forgotten about my mistakes..scars..past memories which used to haunt me down to hell .. and as far as his concern ... doesn't matter what i feel... strange huh?? Einsteinian statement refers to if you don't believe in mysteries or magic's that means you aint alive ... I have always gone to Love .. but this time love came to me.. and it faded itself from the other person .. and forcing someone to be in love with you - aah no - that's something Soi is never comfortable with .. but I did that !!!because Love sets you free .. when in need .. it shows you how compassionately you can love someone and at the same time you cant have him .. so I guess Once more as always - Allah Is Doing What is right for ME... what else??? I have decided to be regularly writing from now on ... though i cant write but i will honestly give it another try... why ??? because I want to .. duh ! lol.. Its never too late to accept own lacking... minding own limitations and still be happy about what we are ... cheers!

....I am done with Life...

In next 16 days i am going to 25...i know it will make me look mature and aged enough to be a grown-up. i never wanted to live long...in my childhood..i wasn't afraid of living long...i just never had the vision of living long and becoming something very famous or being ambitious..i was a normal kid i believe...very shy and polite and sober i guess. as time passed by i kept on changing my inner-skin to heart and soul... and in 10years if span i became such a tiny animal of a kind...who feared living and also at the time loved it more than anything.

people changes due to course of time ... depending on environmental, social, economical, personal etc. variables around them plus happening to them. i changed according to the mistakes i conducted and misdeeds i counted in people. i grew up in a family where being happy is like monsoon weather...appears 3-4 months a year. yes... unforgettably each year was more or less similar. parents fighting, sisters making the family headlines, i being more n more into the inside-home shell. i did open up n grew up into a fine-outspoken angel to the outer world...but at home i became more more to myself. i always felt the necessity to hug someone and cry endlessly but i never had or nor i have today someone who can hold me up that tight.

its a tough feeling...strange maybe...but its true. i am that much lonely in my life. i have got fortunately bunch of good people as in my best buddies and still none of them are that someone. maybe i never tried or saw whether its possible or not. i think as time passed by and i became this different inner-soul inside i kinda lost that feeling of necessity. peculiar me!

as i was saying i never thought of having a long life. now i do pray that may i never live longer. i am done with all i could be in life. i know there are so many things and places and people and feelings and love is still left to endure-experience-adventure ... but still i feel no passion. i feel no breath. i feel terribly-deeply dissatisfied and done with everything. i feel such bitterness in myself an i often do think i was born as in a human as in a mistake. pardon me - Allah... but its true. i am a human born with a tiny head and heart which doesn't partake such small amount of guilt-sorrow-tear in life. and to prove my-own-self wrong i don't feel any necessity either.

i wonder as time passed by why do necessities keep on vanishing from my head? i think of suicides often and trust me that seems the easiest short-cut to hell. i know when i'll be in hell i will be complaining as same as i am doing right now. but i wont be able to figure out any short-cut from there. and my soul and heart wont be treated or act as in a human anymore. i mostly feel i am stuck in this world and i feel no shame in saying that i am a failure.

I am talking shit cause i am a shit...worthless...who doesn't want to take care of own-self. definitely i wasn't and won't be able to take care of any other soul.

i am going to turn 25 and already it seems to much for me. i am tired of my birth..my own smell...my own breathing, my own concepts and lies to own-self... that at the end it all will come round.

i am planning...yes planning to dispatch my soul some other place. when and how not fixed yet. but the necessity is rising high. and one thing i learned the most in life when something is needed in life...fulfill it as soon as possible since the necessity might run out. LoL. Adios..

92 things

Name: Soi Neyamat
Age: 24

Birthdate: October 4th
Present address: Dhaka



WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. last beverage = umm..chocolet milk

2. last phone call = dont remember

3. last text message = Last 6hr no network in ma cell
4. last song you listened to = Charecter Dheela from Ready(movie)
5. last time you cried = last Fazr prayer i said...

HAVE YOU EVER :

6. dated someone twice = yes
7. been cheated on = yes
8. kissed someone & regretted it = yes

9. lost someone special = yes
10. been depressed = yes
11. been drunk and threw up = yes


LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS :

12. Black
13. Red
14. Blue

LAST YEAR (2010), HAVE YOU :

15. Made a new friend/s = yes
16. Fallen out of love = kinda
17. Laughed until you cried = yes
18. Met someone who changed you = no
19. Found out who your true friends were = yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you= all the time

21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list = yeap ma X..bt currently he is outta ma fb list


GENERAL :

22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life = 80%

24. Do you have any pets = no
25. Do you want to change your name = surname - yes
26. What did you do for your last birthday = out wid frnds

27. What time did you wake up today = 8:54 pm lol
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = watching Glee

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = to finish up 40years and die peacefully without any kids or hubbyz

30. Last time you saw your Mother = 4hr ago

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = my relationships

32. What are you listening to right now = nothing
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? = nop
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = the mobile networks are turned off due to tomorrows strike in the city

37. Nickname = Soi
38. Relationship Status = Happily SingLe..:D:D
39. Zodiac sign = libra
40. He or She = me?? tomboy...lol
41. Elementary = Moghbazar
42. High School = Moghbazar
43. College = Women University
44. Hair color = black and bit brownish shades maybe
45. Long or short = short
46. Height = 5'4 n half
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = hurr
48. What do you like about yourself? = I am honest...I am wise and I am impartial and I am very very ruDe and crazily selfish..:D :D

49. Piercings = ears and nose
50. Tattoos = I wish to get One..someday maybe...

51. Righty or lefty = righty.

FIRSTS :


52. First surgery = ummm...ummmm...:??

53. First piercing =when i was 3-4...:D :D
54. First best friend = a guy called mahtab...i wonder where he is now
55. First sport you joined = never had the body to fit in sports

56. First vacation= kolkata

58. First pair of trainers = dnt remember

RIGHT NOW :

59. Eating = nothing
60. Drinking = water
61. I'm about to = go for a shower

62. Listening to = Yahoo 13
63. Waiting for = nothing...not a single thing


FUTURE :

64. Want kids? = no
65. Get Married?= no
66. Career? = NGO or Embassy

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes = both :P :P
68. Hugs or kisses= depends on the person...:P :P
69. Shorter or taller = taller
70. Older or Younger = older
71. Romantic or spontaneous = spontaneous.
72. Nice stomach or nice arms = being nice ... no tummy or army preferableness.
73. Sensitive or loud = LOUD

74. Hook-up or relationship = Hook-ups...hehe
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = trouble-maker and prob-solver ...hehe


HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger = yes
77. Drank hard liquor = yes
78. Lost glasses/contacts = no

80. Broke someone's heart = yes maybe

81. Had your own heart broken = uncountably
82. Been arrested = not yet
83. Turned someone down = yes
84. Cried when someone died = yes
85. Fallen for a friend = all the time!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN :

86. Yourself = more than anything after ALLAH!
87. Miracles = sometimes

88. Love at first sight = happened to me though
89. Heaven = yes
90. Santa Claus = nope

91. Kiss on the first date = maybe
92. Angels = Yep

One of ma fev poems so far....

For I am the first and the last
I am the venerated and the despised
I am the prostitute and the saint
I am the wife and the virgin
I am the mother and the daughter
I am in the arms of my mother
I am barren and my children are many
I am the married woman and the spinster
I am the woman who gives birth and she
who never procreated
I am the wife and the husband
And it was my man who created med
I am mother of my father
I am the sister of my husband
And he is my rejected son
Always respect me
For I am the shameful and the magnificent one
-
Hymn to Isis or third century BC,
discovered in Nag Hammadi
-

...Confession to Sisterhood...

Sisterhood is a strong bondage to bear...gratitude to our mis-fated family..
we are 3 hell-of sisters...we are keen to closwness during our downs and individualistic in our ups in different segments of lifetime journeys..
Thanks to our fabulously inconsiderate parents more or less each of us have seen great deal of life already.
The elder one eventualy is the childish and most creative one in sense of beads, colour, fashion and design clothing.
The middle one is best at everything from brain to beauty, in social-family-working life and mainly the victim of our parents crucial counter-parting selfishness;
and me the last one... most stubborn, careless, aggressive and silent member in the family- mostly drowned in own world and forgetting the rest and only doing what i want almost each moment of my life.

I love my sisters...despite of their dominence and bossing my ass around without any reason, more than my honking parents and that is because i have learned more and earned more from these two siblings than anyone in life.I have always been lucky to be my sisters sharing pal to their secret-keeping girlfriend..i am good in keeping their secrets and guarding those with all faith i treasure.

recently one thing dwells aroung my mind most is...whenever something is wrong or bothering me i have never speak it out into them. it amazes me and kinda also
makes me regret...they have done everything that i could be grateful of and be patient and loving to them but still i cant open myself up to them as they do.
we dint grow up alltogether but there is always some invinsible thread alinging us in the same or more-ever fimilier direction. and at the age of 24, i wonder howcome
at times i want them to just be there and still not let them inside my heart? is it me with some restrictions?

we have been through alot...i envy them for being so strong and practical. i praise them to be beautiful and so lavishingly gorgeous.
i thank them for giving me the best nephew and nieces someone can ever have. i wish them all the good thing in life even it costs my luck.

but talking to them about the issues i wanna talk about dosnt come up my mouth.

as i have decided to take up bloging seriously once again...

I would start writing to for them...

Currently what i have hidden from you is that i did submit my full intern-report lately. So because of that my grade isnt yet published which is resulting my inability to get my temporary certificate and i am being such ignorent. i promise it will take more of a week as i only missed by two letters to university officials lately. I swear ill fix this in no time and please dont ask me or talk to me about it. I know it was a wrong move but i cant help being such careless due to my low-headed stubborness.

I just wanted to confess something to you and this is the only thing that i did hide in recent times.


I am sorry i coudnt be as open as you are to me...

I am sorry at times i become too selfish to take any responsibility...

but i do support you and believe in you more than our parents...

and no metter how low i fall...you...my sister's will always be my sweet-hearts..cause in
true means you both raised me...not those two good-for-nothing person.


p.s - this confession doesnt mean that i am at your service and will do what you ask me to do...
naah...i aint that foolish :D :D ...

DHAKA Local Bus Services … let all be equal…

Wastage of time, energy and peace of mind… is it all which is being crushed due to traffic congestion? There are more … as thousands of men strive hard to get in the bus whole day through … women of similar extent does that too. In my 3 and half years of university life, mostly I had traveled through bus service in the capital uttara-banani route. During my internship, I experienced the appalling travel route from uttara to kawranbazaar area. And most believingly I despised it more than I reviled the university travel days. In the name of traffic congestion we hear issues regarding low availability-low consumption of transport, miss-management of seat system and adjustment, grubby environment in the bus counters, the offensive behaviors and bumpy driving, the bail-less attitude of the helpers and fuming passengers etc. but how many articles did make out the news regarding women exploitation in the bus? Physical molestation and contempt of gender is a common scenario in daily bus services. Currently “Stop Eve-Teasing” is a blazing issue in the newspapers and various media all over. But what about the incidents that take place and is never really been heard of - done by the educated so-called civics? Sigh…I am bit bewildered while writing about this as I don’t know whether I am writing this as in a victim myself or as in bearing a sensible milieu of journalism.

Yes…I am a victim in the sense that I have been through the filthy touches of strangers and mostly being silent in thoughtfulness of social bullshits. And also yes…I found it as mere responsibility to write out all these as I felt its nearly significant enough to question the erudite well-grown up male society who finds pleasure in touching women here and there while traveling beside them in a bus. Why am I calling them educated? Because unfortunately 90% of the men I found doing such shameful performance was wearing formal shirts-pants-ties with heavy silver watches (not cheap at all) along with shining shoes and laptop bags in the shoulders. Well-groomed, clean shaved and off course having the newest model mobile phones in one hand, I often found their other hand-fingers busy in finding place between my armpits next to my chest. In recent eve-teasing content, the uneducated boys full of ashes and brain depletion are being blamed for not choosing the right track in life and thus becoming criminals and murderers. It’s their drugs, drinking and ailing mental problems behind the disgraceful act they perform. But what about our co-passengers in the bus? Who treat us as if we are their keeps for the moment and its our job to allow them to touch us, press their bodies on ours as much as they want and stay silent, unnoticed about it? Many of you reading these must be thinking why not shout, why not slap tight these ill-mental creatures? When there isn’t much space for a girl or women to oppose against the social taboo’s limiting their rights and worthiness inside the house, it requires much, much more than courage or strength to do such thing on outside streets.

Most bus services provide at least 8 seats reserved for women now-a-days. Sadly, to sit in those our ears has to hear many of witty remarks from the men. Some of them even don’t want to let us take in – simply they make up such fussed drama that even if we get the seat it reminds us of unwantedness and embarrassment. And my o my, that of us who takes in the common seat- its more like getting on straight in the stove. Women these days are far near to what men works, earns, achieves, and gives out to life. If a women raises her voice for some reason that’s the moment the entire bus is cursing her with wide eyes and question-marked faces. But she isn’t supposed to do or question such groundless situations because it won’t matter or bother anyone. Regrettably till date Enormous amount of women suffer from male-abuse, gender discrimination, physical assault, mental break-downs in their households and workplaces 24/7. When those women can’t get out of their in-house sufferings, it’s practically pointless to expect women on street to gripe and defend thyself. I wonder what kind of men (?) does find pleasure or amusement
In touching women and torment their traveling experiences. It does tires me a lot and makes me feel like just a flesh with a skin of some dead raccoon. And honestly, such men seem to me worse than the meat-eaters of Africa.

I am not writing all these to speak of some awareness slogans or be a social-writer. I am writing to all those men out there, who don’t know how to respect a human-body. For you a woman is maybe just a body, but you have indisputably forgotten that your body was a small part of ours before you even saw this world. So in the name of your mothers, sisters and daughters, I pray to almighty that may you be blessed with keen pity for yourselves and be able to work-out your filthy retired mentality and leave our pride alone.

Disclosure: Rakhain Prabarana Purnima and Fanus Festival in Cox’s Bazaar

The total population of indigenous people in Bangladesh is around 1.4 million or more than that, consisting almost 45 indigenous communities using 26 different languages (internet). These Garo, Mogh, Mande, Koch, Marma, Khasia, Rakhain etc. indigenous tribes mostly live in the rural settings of Chittagong Hills, Cox’s Bazaar and in the regions of Mymensingh, Sylhet and Rajshahi. These people differ in their social association, religion, birth-death rituals, foodstuff, marriage system and other social traditions from the rest people of Bangladesh.

United Nations Human Rights Bodies, ILO, the World Bank and International Law apply four criterions to distinguish indigenous people:

• Indigenous peoples usually live within (or maintain attachments to) geographically distinct ancestral territories.
• They tend to maintain distinct social, economic, and political institutions within their territories.
• They typically aspire to remain distinct culturally, geographically and institutionally, rather than assimilate fully into a national society.
• They self-identify as indigenous or tribal.
•
The term “indigenous” is applied to elucidate certain social communities that shares comparable uniqueness – a cultural and communal subsistence that is distinct from the leading or primary communities in a society. Each indigenous community regardless to its extent carries out a typical, distinctive culture and heritage on its own. On 22
October, as part of out internship assignment in “Star Campus” we did endeavor the privilege to explore and experience such exclusive Rakhain Community in the Cox’s Bazaar Rakhain Polli. As in segments to that we attended the Rakhain Prabarana Festival at the IBP field Kiang (Buddhist monastery) and the Fanus Festival at the Barmiz Market local Kiang. The Prabarana Purnima (full moon) is the most significant and also the 2nd greatest festival among the Buddhism Followers. The Buddhists perform special religious rituals on the days of full moon generally because it is stated that the most memorable events of the Buddha’s life took place on the days of full moon. The followers all over the world observe the rituals and religious traditions on the same day for eons. On this very Purnima, Buddha displayed the miracles of spiritual power to his followers, which is why it holds an elite representation as a sacred festival for the Buddhists.

On the 22nd morning as we went in to the kiang, where people of all ages from the entire area were present. They have come to meet the current Vante (head bhikkhu of kiang) and other Vante’s from other kiangs in and out of the country with the offerings of various food items. They start the day with singing Buddhist chants and then all pay respect to the Vante’s and the Gautam Buddha figurine. After that all the Vante’s sit together and eats the foodstuff which followers had brought, till 12am. After taking the meal the Vante’s from other monasteries start off their journeys to new destination, within or beyond the border to visit other kiangs. Through a conversation with the current Vante with the help of a translator called Sha-mo, we ask him about his becoming a Vante. He tells us that he was just a 12 year old boy when he had the thought of becoming a Bhikkhu and left his parents in Burma to come to this kiang. It was his choice to leave the life of a regular person, leave off attachments, desires and started devoting himself in the convention of Buddhism. A Buddhist bhikkhu is allowed to go anywhere but return before night to a monastery unless he is on a journey. He is allowed to stay out of Kiang for maximum seven days in case of severe ill-ness related to his parents and his teacher only. As the mind mends no boundaries, Bhikkhu’s can and do go anywhere from Tibet to Timbuktu in search of peace of to practice Buddhism with true sprits. Hindering from sensuous lust, aversion and ill-will, sloth and torpor, restlessness and worry, sceptical doubt; To concentrate, be mindful and energetic, investigate, rapture and apply equanimity is the right persuasion of Buddhism. Though he mentioned that human-mind is wobbly and might change due to time. As for himself, he always wants to lead the spiritual life and continue doing what he enjoys most – spreading out Buddha’s principle among the people. It took him 30 years to reach such position which makes him 42 years old and looking at him it was quite hard for us to believe. His divine habits and apt living has kept him young as in a fresh soldier. During the discussion he also told us about the significance of Fanus (light balloon) Festival. Buddhist people believe that Buddha resides up there in the sky on the full moon night and Fanus’s are taken as the symbol of wishes and hopes. Through lighting these up and sending out in the air is more like reaching out the Buddha more or less. As speaking of the differences of past and present day celebrations, Vante shared that in past the younger ones were more into the religion and rituals. Now when the existence of the culture is at sake its natural they are more into changing religions or becoming less concern to their ancestral practices. The reasons behind it came upfront when we spoke to Sha-mo’s sister Ukhin, who had come with her little boy to visit Vante. Showing discontent in her voice she urged that Bengli customs and tribal customs are very different. But there is no safeguarding or fortification of tribal cultures and customs. Even they are bound to learn in Bengali, leaving off their own tribal languages. Hence, the younger generation is in lack of strong bondage with the religion and ethnicity. Talking to a 13-year old teenager outside the temple building, as she explained that she has been coming to the temple with her parents from a very early age and she more enjoys the celebrations than the regular prayers as it allows her to dress up nice and meet kids her age under one roof and dance and sing aimlessly. The religious patterns seemed less apprehension to her.

Due to the weather calamities, we had to wait for the next day to observe the Fanus festival and got on board with it on 23rd evening. By 5pm the sky started to getting filled with shining and shimmering light balloons. The Rakhain Polli kiang was surrounded by several booths made of paneled layers holding Buddha figurines and decorated in dazzling ways. All men came dressing up in their best and women wearing heavy ornaments made out of gold and silver. The teenagers were busy in setting out fireworks. The older Rakhain people were fueling up the Fanus and the kids gathered around
seemed composed with their face and glittering eyes. The balloons had the shapes of duck, bird, horse or just huge square typographies. As each Fanus went up in the air, the crowd screamed loud in excitement and joy. It was more of a fair of people occupied in lightening of both fireworks and Fanus’s all over.

While we wrapped up by 8pm and were preparing to get on the 10:30pm bus to be back in town, we were filled up with mixed feelings. Some of these were the happiness of knowing different culture, perceiving new dimensions of lifestyles which can be hardly seen in the capital. On the other hand we were in obverse of the mere truth of their insecurities- threats towards their own subsistence regarding their unique being. We felt bit accountable of the fact that despite of staying under one sky, at least 2/3 of the primary population doesn’t even think about of their uniqueness nor they have an option to come to us and exchange. For years the aboriginal population is fighting for their survival in the same homeland in the name of culture, language, education, land, shelter, recognition for equal rights and freedom to speech. But we choose them and culture as in our cover story topics once in a while and pay them a journey on pleasure basis. Sigh…How many of us do get back to them and speak with them, for them? Join them in and say “yes, we are equal“? The measure is doubtlessly countable.

Bangladesh is a well-developing country but our fellow Bangladeshi’s- the indigenous people are below the line to access development. For example: assuring a fixed quota in national university admission hasn’t ensured their development till date. Neither marking them as “Adibashi” and being nice to them does make us fair enough. Their language, clothing, food or maybe festivals are different then us… but they show the same amount
of energy or effort that a Hindu does during Durga Puja or a Muslim does during the Eid...they state their nationality as “Bangladeshi” as we do. It should be their existence we keep in mind not their quantity when we assess their individuality. It should be us not them, accepting them as in one of us.